


Bang

by LikeABrokenClock



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Anxiety, Fireworks, Fluff and Angst, Fourth of July, M/M, Nightmares, Possible Spoilers, Sonny is a Good Boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 15:51:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7393720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LikeABrokenClock/pseuds/LikeABrokenClock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sonny tries to convince Rafael to take the Fourth of July off and enjoy the fireworks with him, because fireworks are very romantic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bang

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Season 16, Episode 23 (Surrendering Noah). Kind of. (Not any more than the episode mini-summary on Netflix, really.) Seeing the episode is in no way necessary to understanding the plot, though.
> 
> I really didn't know how to tag this or rate this or anything, really... I don't own the characters, and I'm the only one to have edited it.

“What do you _mean_ you’re working the 4 th of July?” Sonny whines.

 

“Forgive me. I didn’t realize there were multiple ways to interpret that statement,” Rafael says drily, lazily turning the page of his newspaper.

 

“But Rafi! It’s a holiday!”

 

“Is it now? Who knew?”

 

“And I already asked for it off!”

 

“What?” This catches Rafael’s attention. That and the fact that Sonny’s apparently “finished” with the dishes and is shaking his hands in exasperation, sprinkling the entire kitchen—including Rafael—with little droplets of water and suds. Rafael supposes he should be thankful for the fact that his boyfriend only left a single teetering stack of bowls and the silverware undone, but it _is_ Sonny’s turn. This feels a little like payback. “I hope you’re planning on finishing those.”

 

“Well, I guess I’ll have plenty of time. On my day off. While I’m all _alone_ ,” Sonny says, pointedly. He places his hands on his hips, then winces when he realizes how wet they still are. Rafael hides his smirk behind his paper.

 

“How _did_ you manage to get a holiday off?” Rafael asks.

 

“I asked _real_ nice,” Sonny says, drying his hands on the checkered dishcloth they hang on the oven door. “But, really. I mean. I’m on call, but it’s not like a huge holiday for us. After the holiday, yeah, but the Fourth is more of a firefighter day. And _apparently_ an ADA day.”

 

“I figured you would be working. I didn’t realize it would be a problem.”

 

“So you’re really doing this? You’re gonna sit in your office and make me watch the fireworks all by myself?”

 

Rafael has to hide the shiver that runs down his spine. “Sorry, Sonny.”

 

“You don’t have to go in. You can work here. Or just leave early enough to go see the fireworks with me. Please?”

 

“You act like I should be excited about fireworks. Have you ever considered that they’re a waste of tax money?”

 

“Come on, Raf, what’s more romantic than fireworks?” Sonny walks over, pulling Rafael’s newspaper from his hands. After setting it aside, he settles his hands on Rafael’s waist, blocking him back against the counter he’d been leaning on.

 

“Not stealing my newspaper?”

 

“No, really. See. Fireworks. They’re the perfect metaphor. You feel a spark for someone. Then there’s the fireworks when you kiss ‘em. And then you bang!”

 

**_Bang._ **

_Blood. Screaming. Chaos._

_Bang—_

Sonny’s literally waggling his eyebrows, eyes crinkled at the corners. Rafael forces himself to focus on Sonny’s grin and the warmth of his hands resting on his waist. They’re still extra warm from the dishwater. Rafael takes a deep breath, then another.

 

“‘Banging?’ Really? If it was truly romantic, you’d call it ‘making love’,” Rafael points out.

 

“I’ll have you know that I do, actually,” Sonny says, a little softer. “It just didn’t fit in with the theme.”

 

Oh.

 

“I’ll think about the fireworks thing,” Rafael says. “If it’s really so important to you. But no promises.”

 

“You gonna think about the banging thing, too? Also important.”

 

“Only because it’s important.”

 

* * *

 

 

Rafael thinks he should maybe see a therapist. Instead, he winds up grabbing coffee with Olivia on their lunch break. He figures it’s close enough to therapy. The sun’s even shining.

 

“What are you doing for the Fourth?” Rafael asks casually, taking a sip of his coffee. Perfect.

 

“If the crazies aren’t all out?” Olivia says with a smirk. “Amanda and I were going to take the kids to the park. Noah’s not old enough to remember the fireworks from last year, but he’s excited for them this year. He claps every time someone mentions them. I’m just hoping he doesn’t sleep through them.”

 

“Good luck with that,” Rafael says. His smirk matches hers.

 

Olivia stops suddenly. She gives him a suspicious, side-eyed glance. “Why do you ask?”

 

“Just curious.”

 

“Aren’t you and Sonny doing something? He asked for the day off, so I figured you guys had plans.”

 

“We’re… still working them out.”

 

“Barba,” Olivia says as they reach the doors to the precinct. “You want my advice? Work them out soon. He really cares about you.”

 

“I know, Liv,” Rafael says with a sigh. “Don’t make him work too hard.”

 

Olivia snorts. “Like I could stop him. Talk later?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Rafael’s smile falls as soon as Olivia’s vanished through the doors. So, it’s not quite therapy. He’s only been once—under duress—but it didn’t make him feel like shit for being more scared than a literal infant and a toddler with a traumatic past.

 

* * *

 

By the evening before the Fourth of July, Rafael is actually reconsidering his whole go-to-work plan. He’s curled up on the couch with a book in hand that he isn’t really reading.

 

Sonny’s making a milkshake in the kitchen whilst loudly singing the worst rendition of Katy Perry’s “Firework” that Rafael has ever heard. Not that the lawyer thought the song was good in the first place, but Sonny’s beyond off-pitch and he forgets every other word. It’s atrocious. It’s also adorable.

 

Sonny was so excited for the holiday, for the fireworks. Maybe Rafael could just go in for a few hours and be out in time for—

_Bang._

Rafael startles. He literally jumps. He’s glad Sonny’s not in the room to witness his sudden struggle to breathe. He has the irrational desire to hide, maybe under the bed. He’s definitely going to work tomorrow.

 

“Sonny?” Rafael calls, when he’s got his breath back. “What was that?”

 

Sonny peeks out from the kitchen. “Just now? Sounded like fireworks to me.”

 

A couple more _bangs_ echo in quick succession. Rafael holds it together. Barely. There’ve been intermittent _bangs_ for the past week or so, but they’ve all sounded more muted. These seem louder. Closer. More dangerous.

 

“Can you do something about that?” Rafael asks.

 

“I’m not that kind of cop, Rafi,” Sonny says with a smirk. He pads barefoot into the living room, licking remnants of milkshake off his spoon, and peers out the window. He frowns. “It’s not even dark enough to see ‘em. The waste of money oughta be punishment enough.”

 

“They’re loud. And a fire hazard. Are you sure you can’t do anything?” Rafael asks. He’s aware he’s borderline whining, but he won’t admit it. Sonny walks back over to him.

 

“Come on, Raf. They’re probably just kids,” Sonny says, lifting Rafael’s feet so he can plop down on the couch. He deposits the lawyer’s feet into his lap before wriggling around a little and getting comfortable. “Don’t tell me you never messed around with fireworks as a kid.”

 

“I didn’t, actually,” Rafael admits. “We didn’t have any extra money.”

 

“I only did once,” Sonny says. “I was like eight and upstate on my grandparents’ farm for a family get-together. I was that annoying kid that thought I was besties with my older cousins. My aunts an’ uncles made ‘em let me tag along.

 

“Long story short, they’d smuggled in some fireworks. So, we all snuck out to one of the fields to shoot ‘em off. And one of ‘em landed on the roof of this old barn—I kid you not, this was literally the only flammable thing for _miles_ —and it caught on fire. Burned right to the ground.

 

“I was pretty sure my parents were gonna kill me. It’s the only time I remember bein’ grounded, but they went all out. No TV, no telephone, no visitors, no dessert, no leavin’ my room for a straight week…”

 

“And you’re so excited for fireworks because…” Rafael prompts drily. Truth be told, he’s grateful for Sonny’s storytelling. He feels more at ease than he has all week.

 

“I dunno. They’re pretty,” Sonny says with a shrug. “And it’s a tradition. Plus, I’m not in anyway involved in settin’ ‘em off.”

 

“Small miracles,” Rafael teases. Sonny elbows him, but he’s grinning, too.

 

* * *

 

_Rafael is in court, trying to decipher his own handwriting as he skims back over his notes on the case. He’s due to cross the defendant, but he can’t remember what the trial is about. Only that the man on the stand did something very, very bad._

_And that he’s going to do something worse, if Rafael can’t keep him talking. Distract him. Buy time. If he can keep him talking, he can get him to confess and the jury will find him guilty. Life without parole. The death penalty. Then Rafael will be safe. Everyone will be safe. Sonny will be safe._

_If only Rafael could remember what questions to ask. Why he’s even here. He looks up at the defendant on the stand, and his blood runs cold. He knows this man. Knows what’s going to happen. Knows there’s nothing he can do to stop it._

_He opens his mouth to ask something—anything—but he can’t find the words. The man on the stand smirks, revealing pointed white teeth._

_No, please, no. Rafael shakes his head, desperately._

_No, no, no._

_Out of the corner of his eye, he catches a pair of familiar blue eyes. They’re watching him with such adoration._

_He wants to scream—run, run—but nothing. Nothing but panic filling his throat._

_There’s a flash. No, no, no._

**_Bang._ **

_The judge crumples, her blood splattering white-hot over Rafael. He can taste it._

**_Bang. Bang._ **

_Chaos, screaming, more blood._

_Rafael’s rooted to the spot, silent, helpless. He turns his head, desperately seeking out Sonny. He doesn’t have to look far. The detective is standing, slowly, reaching for his weapon. Dutiful. Dutiful and unaware of the barrel of the gun being leveled at his heart._

**_Bang_ ** _—_

* * *

Rafael sits bolt upright, gasping for breath in the darkness. His hand leaps to his throat to loosen his tie, only to realize he’s not wearing one. He’s not dressed for court—not dressed at all—and the only thing yielded by his efforts is a secondary reminder of how fast his pulse is racing.

 

Rafael feels shuffling beside him. “Raf?” Sonny mumbles sleepily.

 

Rafael wants to respond, wants to ask if Sonny’s really okay, really here, if this is real, but his voice is still lost. All he can do is take quick, shallow breaths.

 

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay,” Sonny murmurs, suddenly sounding more awake. Rafael is eternally grateful that his boyfriend doesn’t bother asking if he’s all right when he’s so very obviously not. “Do you want me to make you some cocoa?”

 

“No,” Rafael manages to choke out. With immense effort, he lays back down, twisting so he can lay his head on Sonny’s chest, so he can place his hand over his heart. Sonny’s not going anywhere now. His heartbeat is strong and steady. Rafael lets himself breathe. He tries to match the measured rise and fall of Sonny’s ribcage.

 

Sonny reaches over Rafael, oh so carefully, and pulls the covers over them. The rational part of the lawyer’s brain wants to argue that it’s summer and even with the window open, it’s far too hot for a blanket. But between the covers over him and the man under him, he feels almost safe.

 

“Need anything else?” Sonny whispers. Rafael shakes his head, just slightly. “Okay. I’ve gotcha, Raf. It’s alright. Not goin’ anywhere.”

 

Rafael feels Sonny press a gentle kiss to the top of his head. Safe.

 

* * *

 

Come morning, Rafael very pointedly dresses himself without a trace of patriotism. He pairs his dark gray pants with a light lilac button down and a deep green tie with little pink and purple swirls. And his red suspenders, but those are for Rafael, not America.

 

As Rafael admires his handiwork in the mirror, he catches a glimpse of the blanket lump that is his boyfriend. He feels a flash of guilt at leaving Sonny all by himself, especially after last night.

 

Still, fireworks aren’t going to be much of a celebration for Sonny if he’s busy keeping Rafael from falling apart. Sonny’s better off on his own.

 

Rafael tiptoes out, careful not to wake him.

 

* * *

 

Bang, bang, bang.

 

It’s just quiet rapping on Rafael’s door, almost gentle and not at all like fireworks. Not like gunshots. He only startles because he’s not expecting anyone at—he glances at the clock—6:18 PM.

 

“Hey! You gonna let me in or what? I got dinner!” Sonny’s familiar voice calls from outside Rafael’s office. Rafael grins.

 

“Well, why didn’t you say so? Come in,” he calls back.

 

“Okay, so I only kinda got dinner,” Sonny admits as he lets himself in. He’s dressed in a light gray short-sleeved button down and sinfully worn blue jeans that give Rafael a great view when the detective turns to latch the door behind him. “I mean, I stopped by McDonalds to get you a salad, but they were hoppin’ and gave me fries instead. And I kinda ate them. All. On the way here…”

 

“So… you didn’t bring dinner?” Rafael summarizes, disappointed. He can’t remember the last thing he ate that wasn’t coffee.

 

“No, I didn’t say that!” Sonny says, holding up a plastic shopping bag. “Clear some room, wouldja?”

 

Rafael rolls his eyes, but closes his laptop and sets it to the side. He stacks his files and notes neatly on top before gesturing to the now clean desk and raising an eyebrow. Sonny wastes no time pulling out what looks to be about half of an apple pie, two forks, and an entire can of whipped cream.

 

Rafael wonders how he got so lucky. He loves this man.

 

Sonny leans against the corner of Rafael’s desk, almost nervously, obviously waiting for him to take the first bite. Rafael doesn’t disappoint. Neither does the pie. It’s still warm. Rafael moans.

 

“Did you make this?” Rafael asks around his mouthful.

 

“Yeah. I got bored. It’s good?” Sonny asks, reaching for his own fork.

 

Rafael just nods vigorously as he takes another, larger bite. Sonny laughs.

 

They end up discussing the case Rafael’s working on as they eat. It’s not one Sonny’s particularly familiar with, so Rafael’s explanation of the basics and Sonny’s endless questions lend themselves to an easy conversation.

 

“I, uh, I should go,” Sonny says once they’re done, fidgeting with his fork. “I don’t wanna be late for the fireworks.”

 

Rafael has a strong urge to ask him to stay, but he knows that’s not fair to Sonny. Especially because he _would_ just give up his plans to keep Rafael company in his office _._ Instead, he nods. “Thank you for the pie.”

 

“Oh, uhm. I… brought you somethin’ else, too,” Sonny says. He’s still fidgeting. “It’s gonna get loud tonight.”

 

“Oh?” Rafael’s caught between intrigue and near panic.

 

The lawyer focuses on what Sonny’s pulling out of his shopping bag. It’s a pair of headphones, teal and black. Familiar headphones. They’re the ones that Sonny wouldn’t let Rafael use last month when he’d wanted to go running and his cheap earbuds had finally given out.

 

“Bella gave ‘em to me for Christmas. Best gift ever,” Sonny says, grinning. He starts to carefully slide them over Rafael’s ears. “See? They’re noise cancelling. You won’t be ab—”

 

Rafael blinks. Sonny’s still talking, he can see his mouth moving. But he can't hear a word.  He gets momentarily distracted by the way his eyes are crinkling as he—probably—laughs. Then Rafael slowly slides the headphones back off and lets them rest around his neck.

 

“—ove you,” Sonny is finishing. “Neat, huh? They work alright?”

 

“Uh-huh.  What were you grinning about just now?” Rafael asks.

 

Sonny laughs. “Oh. I insulted your socks.”

 

Rafael flushes immediately, glancing down. His socks are dark green to match his tie. “What’s wrong with them?”

 

“Nothin’!” Sonny says, eyes wide and apologetic. “Really, nothin’. I don’t even know what ones you have on. But I knew you’d freak out if you heard, so it was a good test.”

 

“Oh.” Rafael has to admit that he has a point. He also feels like he needs to admit what this is really about. If only he could find the words. “Sonny. It’s… I…”

 

“Hey,” Sonny says softly, leaning over to kiss Rafael’s temple. “We need to talk about this. And we’re gonna okay? I promise. But not right now. Not while I’m trying to leave and you’re still in work mode.”

 

“Okay,” Rafael says. He feels like he can breathe a little easier.

 

“Okay,” Sonny agrees. “But I really do hafta go.”

 

“Wait,” Rafael says. “You owe me dinner.”

 

Sonny pauses by the door and turns to face Rafael. He doesn’t look terribly impressed. “I brought you _homemade_ apple pie. What more do you want from me?”

 

“I want you to give me five minutes to get ready,” Rafael says.

 

Sonny’s smile is blinding.

 

* * *

 

Rafael fixes himself a salad when they get home. He’s been craving one since Sonny had mentioned the salad he’d almost brought, and they had some leftover chicken that needed eating, anyway.

 

Headphones firmly on his head, he takes his salad out to the balcony. Sonny waves at him, goofy grin plastered on his face. Rafael responds in kind.

 

It turns out that their balcony doesn’t offer the best view of the fireworks. That or there’s just an inordinately long period of time between each one. Rafael doesn’t have the auditory feedback of the _bangs_ to know. What he does have is Sonny’s arms bracketing him, and his chin resting on the top of his head. The sun’s set and left the evening on the edge of chilly, so he’s grateful for Sonny’s warmth.

 

He can feel the vibrations of Sonny talking behind him after each flash of light. His world is comfortable silence, but he’s assuming Sonny’s “ooh”ing and “aah”ing at the fireworks. It’s such a Sonny thing to do.

 

They stand on the balcony for a few minutes after the finale. In the dark, Sonny nuzzles into Rafael’s hair. He slips the headphones carefully off one of Rafael’s ears and whispers, “thanks.”

 

“Thank _you_ ,” Rafael replies. He gently disentangles himself from Sonny’s arms. He settles the headphones back around his neck, gathers his dishes, and heads inside. He pauses at the door. “I thought this was supposed to end with banging.”

 

“Well, _I_ thought it was more romantic if you called it making love,” Sonny shoots back.

 

Rafael rolls his eyes. “Coming?”

 

“I’d better be,” Sonny mutters under his breath. Rafael can’t even be mad, though, because Sonny is following him in. He’s undoing the buttons on his shirt as he walks, tongue poking out as he concentrates.

 

Maybe someday Rafael will clue him in on the fact that he actually usually thinks of it as making love, too. Though, judging by the soft smile on Sonny’s face as he intertwines their fingers, Rafael thinks he already knows.


End file.
